So Im doing good,
Ive been going out lately as you know,
I am seeing a guy, he is nice.

It is not serious,
well he is not seeing anyone else,
and doesnt intend to,
I am not seeing anyone else,
and dont intend to.

We like each other, thats probably
the best definition.
We are not in love, in like, we just like.

We are having fun together,
alot of fun!
Its enough for the moment,
and probably exactly what
we both need at this time.

I say, Good, and
that will do for now.

M

So how have things been for me,
Okay I guess,
well, it depends on which question
I am asking about,
My great kids are doing great,
they are getting on really well at the moment.
Thank God!!

My son passed his exams and got his degree,
he is now an official software engineer, (he tells me that
is the most understandable term for it, obviously its a high
fulenting name) which I of course dont get to grips with,
but anyway thats what he can do.

He is working away, and getting ready to move out
into the real world, :-( but then that is what we worked all
these years towards, to make him an independent man,
its just hard to let him go.

My girls are hanging out and doing feck all, which has its
good and bad points, no housework been done, I am nagging them,
constantly, and they are ignoring me constantly, I think its time to
play hardball with them, shake their lazy butts.

Soon my eldest girls results will be out, and we hope she gets
the placement she wants in college, we shall see, fingers
and all crossed for that one. We are filling out all the forms,
red tape is such a pain, but I am getting used to it, it seems to
fill alot of my time these days.

Him the ex, Gerry,
I thought we had made progress with each other,
it came from my misguided belief that he had accepted
that the state and condition of our life,
was because of him.

That he had made these choices
that were bad for us as a family,
bad for me as a wife,
if they are bad for him
well tough titty,
at least he made them


I find that no that is not so,
 it was my doing,
I pushed him out,
and therein lies the demise of
it all, its still my fault,
and he is having a bad time
and it is my fault.


So I say to him,
Fxxk off,
and now again
Im done,
only this time, its not out of pain, or love, or heartbreak.

Its whats the freaking point.
There is no sense of morality or responsibility
in this man, he is whatever he is,
why do I need him to accept responsibility?
what will it change?
what will it make better?
In real and financial terms
nothing,
In emotional and mental terms
everything.

So where does that leave me,
right back where I started?
No.
because Im done,
it matters but I cant change it,
I cannot change him,
or his denial, or his reasoning..

So like my love for him,
for us, its over, move on, get real,
stop looking for the unachieveable,
accept the unacceptable,
reason the unreasonable,
blah blah blah.

By the way, he is a grade A dick,
thats as good as he gets.
Im worth so much more

Forget it  Gerry,
it doesn't matter anymore,

Im done.


M

I have been quiet for the last two weeks,
its because I haven't had time to scratch.

The girls well the youngest came home yesterday,
looking glorious, rested and sunned, not impressed that
her genetic red hair is showing stronger through her natural
colour blonde, she expected the sun to blonde her more,
instead my lovely natural red showed up, I said it looks great,
she was still not enamoured to it.
When her older sister comes home later today, with her
full glorious red head it will calm her. (I hope)
She is just in case, using the blonde shampoo anyway.

The weather here in Ireland is pathetic, I and everyone
I talk to is fed up with it, yesterday was a nice day, warm
enough not to have a jacket on during the day, I even got
the garden done, well the grass mowed...
Today with high hopes I went to put the washing out,
no joy, its raining.
This would be a great country..
if it only had a roof!

I should be gone to pick my oldest girl from
the airport, but her flight has been delayed by french
baggage controllers striking, I mean seriously,
do they not know I havent seen my baby for two whole weeks
and she was in the wilds of Africa I want her home..NOW!!

Mammy moment there.

Chat soon,
M.