How am I?.... still good,
Had a few scary moments, but then whats new.

Dad had a fall,  God help him, he broke his leg
he broke his leg is an understatement, he shattered his leg,
They replaced the bone with two rods, a good job I believe,
but he is not so good, its a hard road for him.
His dialysis does not go easy for him now,
He keeps struggling through it, but I see him tire,
I see him fed up of it, the struggle,
but I thank God that he is a natural fighter,
even when his gloves down he protects himself,
and keeps going.

He is My Rocky,
My Rock.

My son is in Australia, he hasnt emigrated YET
he is there with work, but he loves it,
he rings me, tells me he will be home, but will go back
I tell him good, get into the real world, Ireland is too small,
too constricted, and the thoughts of him, living my life,
work to pay bills, depresses me, he needs to seek
return for his efforts, to live life to his fullest capacity,
and he wont do that here, very few people do that here.
Ireland is on its knees and people are struggling to live good lives
I mean beneficiary lives, not just pay bills, meet your needs,
luxuries are few and far between here.
Anyway, it will be a great place for mama to visit :-)

The girls are good, and I am good,
still tipping the light fantastic and ignoring the doom and gloom moments
Well trying to anyway...

M

So now its October, wow, that was a fast year.
We had a lovely summer, and so good days still,
thank God.

My life is still going along good, also thank God.

We had a few scares with dads health, but he is so strong,
must be made of steel. If I have half his or mams constitution
I will be going for a long time.... Please God....

Im busy still, the girls and my son are busy also,
its repetitive, but new everyday...

Ive taken up pitch and putt, or bitch and putt as
my friends and I call it, we go out, all girls,
and have a great laugh, a few bitches about this one and that one,
but mostly its great gas, great exercise, and usually a prelude to
a few pints and a bit of lunch.

Great times........

M

How am I, I'm good, thank god.
Im busy very busy, but its just with normal life, thank god again.

It nice to have a bit of a breather from the dramas that enfold in my life,
on an extremely regular basis, long may this breather last....

Im still out and about, seeing my new man, who really cannot be
called a new man anymore, 1 he is in his forties and 2 its been over a year now,
so new no, but still feeling pretty new, and that is nice....

Dad is doing good, he is some man, he is an inspiration, if I have half his constitution,
I will be doing great. If he want s help he asks, if not I leave him to it, sometimes he
gives me more help than I can ever give him, and Im so lucky to have him.

My girls are doing good, oldest girl heading back to college for year two in september,
and youngest starts her two year leaving cert course in secondary school, (that should be fun)
She is such a serious studier, much more than the other two ever where, and a great little worker.
I am so proud of them all the way they have coped with the curve balls that life has thrown them,
My son is doing great, I dont see a lot of him, but he keeps in touch, (or else) :)

I miss my Mam still, when I go out to her grave, it still feels weird, like she shouldnt be there,
I do think she is watching over us, I ask her too, when I am there, you know, take care of us mam,
keep us safe and strong.
If she can she will.

My earth angel sister and I are working at our relationship, its difficult, because she thinks I dont do enough for my dad, and that hurts, but I am doing what he needs me to do right now, and I am living my life how I think is best, and pray that I am doing okay for him, because I am trying to do all the things that used to be for two, and is now for one, and its hard. Sometimes I am selfish and do for me, but I guess if I can treat me like a priority sometimes, I can live with that.
He knows if the chips are ever down I l be there, at least I hope he knows that.
I hope he never needs to know that also.

I dont see him the ex, I dont want to, he is a stranger to me, and sadly choses to
be a stranger to his kids, his loss I guess, if they werent hurt by that I d said who cares,
but they are and I do, what a pity he doesnt care too.

Anyway, what is is, and what will be, will be.
Hopefully for me and mine it will be good,
I live in that, hope....
Its a better place to be.....

M

My mother in law passed away very recently.
I guess I should say my ex mother in law,
weird really, I was saddened by it, weird
because she never liked me.
I was saddened by her passing in many ways.

My children have no nanny now, both are gone.
She was a great age 89, wow, had her faculities about her,
but was frail, she had cancer.

She passed peacefully with her sons and grandson about her,
she would have liked that.

Her funeral was nice, simple quiet dignified,
she would have like that too.

I was at it, not sure she would have like that?
but I went for my girls and for me,
for it has always been a regret of mine,
we didnt have a relationship, I tried for years,
then stopped trying and the little we had, ceased,
years before He left me.
What can you do, it was a shame, but what is is.

The afterwards, that is after the burial, there is in
Ireland a send off, jasus we do party for any reason.
So someone dies, young old doesnt matter, we have
a get together, in the pub usually, have some food,
and most people drink and say goodbye to their passed
loved one. I like the idea, I think it benefits the people
left behind.

This one was a bit strange, the ex's new girlfriend was there,
Now she is not whore, the one, the german bitch I still hate (no improvment there)
the one he had the affair with, so this poor woman, who god knows what bs he
has filled her with, she was there.
anyway, I found it stressful, but she did nothing wrong to me,
so I have no problem, I just really dont want anything to do with her
he introduced us, left her at our table and kept walking away to chat,
he is a total gobshite, but that is not news to me.
I have no desire to be friends with her, with him either for that matter,
Pay up Gerry we might improve on that one if you do,
otherwise forget it. (bitter there, cant help that )

The funny part of the afters was his aunt,
well I call her my aunt, I love her to bits,
since the day I met her she has been great, 85years old
feeling 22....
anyway, she spent the day glaring and being rude
to him and the woman, actually, I thought she was wrong,
and told her so, like I said that woman done nothing,
but Teenie, was having none of it. she tells me Im a fool,
and he is a disgrace, she is not wrong on either score I guess,
but again it is the way it is.

Life just gets stranger...

M

I am ok still,
Ok now that can have such different meanings,
like ok is good, alright, and shit I accept that.

I am the latter.
but still ok.

My earth angel sister and I have distanced ourselves
that is a very sad and depressing realisation for me.

I love her so much,
I miss her so much.

How could this have happened,
well its really simple,
she feels I am not doing enough
or spending enough time with my dad.

She is right,
I acknowledge this,
but the enough time with my dad is never enough.

It is probably enough for him, (well just about enough),
it is probably enough for my kids,
it is probably enough for the guy in my life (he thinks too much, sometimes)
it is probably not enough for me but all the enough I can give.
and sadly it is not enough for most of my siblings.

The what gets me part is that their enough is much less than mine.

I do know that I live closer,
but guess what Im doing my best,
if they want more
give more.

I am in a place now, its a bit more of a selfish place,
its more about whats ok for me.

I am, and this is, how I feel,

I am a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I used to be a daughter, a sister, a mother a friend and a wife.
It didnt work out good for me,
I learned the hard way.
My priorities I hope are in the right order now.

I am me. Be happy for me,

I am ok.

Maria.

Although Im still pretty quiet,
I am still here,
tapping away, keeping going.

The weather is Irish,
cold wet and windy,
usually in that order,
although, bright and dry today
is how Im taking it,
a bit like meself,
mostly bright,
and definitely dry....(humour wise of course.)

So anyway,
Im okay, still seeing my Mr Wonderful,
which pretty much describes how I feel about him,
almost all the time. :)

My girls are great girls,
I am proud of them,
beautiful strong and stubborn,
like their mam, (well two out a three points)
from me, although the beautiful was probably passed
down from me, (just skipped the generation)

My son is also great,
and yep Im proud of him too,
he is a good boy, man, son.
and yeah beautiful too.
also looks like my family
more my dad than my mam,
good looking man...
Also strong and stubborn,
probably more so than the girls, (stubborn that is)
but a good chap,
I hope they all stay true to who they are
and what they were reared.

That is my hope for them,
to be good strong (and a little stubborn)
(and a little luck for them) wonderful people.

M

Just to let you know Im still in the world,
tipping along,
trying to have a good life,
be a good person,

and yeah have a good time.

I m kinda doing ok, on all the above.
sometimes its harder than others.
The shit still hits the fan, and the struggle
still goes on, but,
Im guessing thats the
way its gonna be for me, so Im trying to
take only the good stuff in, deal with the
hard stuff as it comes along, and dont
dwell to long on it, most times its okay.
Most times.

I do live in the real world,
where its not all fun and games,
and I try to take time out and have the
fun and games too, welll not so much games,
but good fun, Thank goodness for the fun.

The weather does not suit me, its cold, wet and windy,
I think Im having winter blues again, roll on summer
maybe I should start taking vitamin D tablets,
Im in dire need of some sunshine, it better come
to Ireland this year,
I think we all need it.
I know I do........

M