I had a good weekend,
Saturday myself and my earth angel sister,
went to see a bee gees tribute night in Dublin.

It was the birthday present my kids had bought us,
and Noreen was the second person ticket,
they know she is now my other half anyway,
and it was bought with her and me in mind,
sure we are a couple of old
cronies now anyway...

Anyway it was great, the craic was brilliant,
and yes to our shame, well not ours, maybe the kids if
they had seen us, we were, yes indeed,
we were dancing in the aisles,
and on the chairs,

we had a ball.

Thanks kids
it was a great great idea,
you know your mam!!

By the way,

Today should have been my 24th wedding anniversary,
it wasnt!

How did I do, okay,

First thing it was a bit hard, I thought my head was
going to be wrecked, then I went to work, I got busy,
had some craic, over the DUBS winning the All Ireland,
its sweet when we finally win after 16 years of trying hard.

After that I had a school meeting to attend to,
so it was almost nine pm when I got home for dinner,
and by then time I got sorted afterwards with tidying,
lunches and nagging the kids (not quite a joke)
it is now bedtime, and the day is almost done, almost gone,

I think I done good.
Im glad, sad, and yeah sometimes still mad,
but its okay, I guess thats the way it should be.

Lets hope it continues to get easier.

M

I have a friend,
I call her my forever friend,
one because we have been friends forever,
two because we will be friends forever.

We do however at times try each others patience!!

Last time was her time to try mine.

She is into religion, big time,
that is not a problem, I am thankful for it,
because sometimes without her religion she would be
a mess, also she puts a good word in with the lord,for me.
I need it.

Anyway, she is also into forgiveness, we have had many discussions
in the past regarding forgiveness, I am not as good at it as she is.

She feels this is a massive failing for me on this point,
I think it is one of my character traits, I am strong, but
I hurt, and I do not like it if people who deliberately hurt
me or mine, and when it is deliberate, I do not forgive easily,
and sometimes I do not even consider forgiving at all.

Do is make me harsh, maybe, but I am straight, loyal and true,
why can all people not be like that, then there would be no
need for forgiving for deliberate hurts, they would not happen!!

Yes a foolish dream I know, but there you are, it is on record,
I have been a fool already, whats new.

Anyway, that is the background to our testing my patience this time.

We were chatting, about him, me, and what is ahead, will I go into
a new relationship, if the opportunity presents itself,
and she comes out with a gem, a real goddam gem.

You will not be getting an opportunity, anyway,
I said "What", she goes, no not until you forgive him,
I do the roll my eyes, not that shite again, look,
and then she tops it, I mean she really tops it.

She says
"no man will want to go with you, your eyes are full of bitterness"
Holy God, I thought either she needs help or I do,
Both is probably true.

Anyway, I of course have a quick smart mouth, and had a reply,

I said, Are You For REAL, do you know nothing,about MEN,
When I do go out into that scene and I will you know,
I will be dressed up, looking good, and MEN, will look,
and they will look, but they will look at my tits and my ass,
not my frigging eyes!!, and anyway, I am not bitter to all men,
just him, the ex, Gerry.

She stared at me for a few minutes, dumbfounded maybe,
I sat and waited, and then at the same time, we both
burst out laughing at what I had said, and I forgave her,
because she thought she was helping, even if it hurt.

PS, I asked three other friends, who know me well,
Do I have bitterness in my eyes, all the time,
please tell me,
They say no, not at all, sometimes you look sad,
sometimes you look tired, and sometimes you laugh,
but mostly you just look like you!!

So that will do me.

(Im still going to wear a short skirt, when I venture out,
just in case they dont know where to look.

M

Yesterday was my birthday,
I had a nice day, in fact
I had a nice weekend,
My earth angel sister of course
came up, and her hubby,and son.

My friend from the states who shares
the same birthday was here, we had a day
out with friends, and then yesterday
I went to dinner with my folks,
it was nice.

I am forty seven years old now,
and yep
I feel every minute of it.
:-)

Last night I had a long night,
its been awhile, so it surprised me,
no sleep, and I mean like none,

What was keeping me awake? ME,
yeah, just me, my head, and I..

I was caught up in a feeling I have not acknowledged
for some time now, that feeling, disbelief.
I just couldnt shake it.
Not the couldnt, shouldnt, wouldnt
emotions about him,
just the disbelief.

I think it runs within me all the time,
disbelief, that he could just walk away,
leave his life with our family,
him, me, the kids.

I think it is because all along, we thought,
and I mean we, my kids, and I, anyway, we thought
he was the best thing since slice bread,
how do you do that,
make people see something for so long
that is so untrue.
Even if it was true to him, at the time
because he was living the two lives,
how is it that, those
things suddenly become untrue,
that he is now not a good man,
a good dad, a good husband.

I think that is the disbelief,
I can see the lies, about whore,
sure that is easy, that is what midlife crisis's do
they make a liar and cheater out of what used to be a good man,
but when the lies are out,
how is it that the lie was not about whore,
but about us, about his life with us,
and we, them and me,
where the wrongdoing,
the wrong choice, the wrong lie to live.

So when I write it down after a sleepless night,
I know, Im still
there in the dark, in disbelief..

To add to it,
I am also here in the day, in total knowledge,
in wide awake about this whole horrible story,
and that is most definitely a better place to be,
than believing,
sleeping
and living in the dark.

M