See the thing about going to weddings,
glorifing and pontifing, primping and preening,
is the fall out afterwards,

The fake tan on the sheets, the towels, and the
streaks on the skin as it starts to come off in patches,
especially on the girls, they were losing it.

For me the problem for me was as I slightly touched
on yesterday the false nails, my nails are rubbish, its
not that I bite them I don't, but they split all the time
they just get to a little length and split, its annoying,
anyway I bought a packet of falsies, nails of course, and
the youngest, who is into all things make-up, glued them on
for me and for a first attempt she did brilliant.

She did make sure they would stay on, they were solid.
One did loosen off just at the church, but to my shame
we were sitting near the back and had the packet in my bag
and she glued it back on in the church..

They stayed on day two and three, then slowly started to fall
off. Then I went bowling with my sis her son and my girls,
and one got ripped off completely whilst the bowl ended up
in the gutter, and the thumb of the other hand, split in half
and I was left with half a falsie.
Not a pretty sight.

Youngest daughter decided they had to come off, and when we
were at home that evening, I was chatting on the phone and she
came over and started pulling at them, I told no way as she nearly
pulled the nail off me, so she had a brainwave thanks to
grays anatomy, the week before showing how soapy water,
will unglue superglued skin, she filled a bowl with hot
water and fairy liquid and we steeped and suds up the remaining
nails and success they came off easy peasy.

I have to say, I miss the polished look on my nails,
but if I put on nail varnish, I cant stick it, I am
picking at it within five minutes.

So I am back to me plain jane, well plain hands anyway..

A message to my best sister,
who should know without even reading this,
but just in case,
I always always have the best time with her,

She is my guardian earth angel, my best friend,
and my bestest ever sister.

When she comes to visit, my world rights itself
again, and we mostly laugh, sometimes cry, always
talk and I repair, she makes me strong.

Love to you always Noreen, xx

PS. the bowling was great even if I did break
my new false nails...

You would think that after a week of dealing
with all that shit, I would get a break from it,
wouldn't you.

No such luck, just a different type of shit thats
all, I have mentioned the water trouble I have been
having and thought it was all cleared, but it turns
out that the flooding had a different cause than
just a loose pipe.

Last night my son was going out, he had a shower,
when he was finishing he called me, you know that
MAM come here call, I dread. Anyway I went up
he is stood there in a towel, and the shower tray
is full of sudy water, and the toilet is full of
well lets just say its not sudy water.

I nearly puked, I rang the great brother in law,
for advice he told me I needed to get the manhole
up and check if it was blocked, because if it wasnt
there was an internal blockage and that could be
a big big problem.

I rang him, the ex, he was in town he said
wouldnt be able to come in until tomorrow,
early afternoon, would that do, would that do,
I was up to the hilt in shit, and would tomorrow
afternoon do. I said never mind, I'll try and
sort it. I hung up.

I rang my friends hubby, across the road, he came
over and we lifted the manhole and it was full,
we had great difficulty in lifting it, I said that
he(ex) had only rodded it during the week, when I
was in work and he had said it was clear. My friend
tell me, no way was that manhole up in months, sure
we had to dig the dirt out of the sides to get it
up. We got it up and it was full almost to the brim,
lovely picture in your mind now, no, sorry.
My youngest had been there when we were talking
and she told us, that her dad only rodded the small
pipe to the side he never lifted the manhole, I said
nothing but by the face of me, I guess she knew I
was livid, he is still insisting he lifted it, but
what difference does it make anyway, as the neighbour said
Its lifted now.

I called the emergency service at the council,
and they said they would send someone out,
next door was also blocked but only slightly,
After an hour they came out which was really excellent
for a saturday night.

He was a nice guy and he had a rotten job, he cleared
next door, but mine was more awkard, surprise surprise
anyway he kept at it and he finally got a break,
there was a brick, which came from god knows were
stuck in an exit point, he lifted it out, and
the water etc, flowed.

He said go up and flush the toilet and run the shower
we will make sure its all systems cleared, of course
it wasnt, the soil pipe was blocked, completely,
these guys are really only contracted for external
work, so he said if you dont mind, I could go
up and try and clear it for you, If I dont mind
I nearly put the brass band out for him when he said
that, so up he went, it took a few good whooshes
and then away it came, unbelievable how flowing
sewage can elate the simplest of folk hah!

After about an hour or so when I talked with my daughter,
I rang him, he was in a shopping center or somewhere busy,
I asked him could he talk, as I wanted a conversation, he
knows when I say, I want a conversation, there is either a
nag or a cry coming, in this case I guess he would have
been right on both counts!

I kinda went right for the jugular with him, said why
had he told the kids that he was moving to whore valley
and yeah I may have actually said those words, anyway,
why was he telling them without discussing it with me
either before or after he had told them, he told me
I never said that, I said are you for real, are you
telling me two kids young adults, both heard you say,
the same thing, and you never said it, or are you saying
they are liars.

No, Im saying they picked me up wrong, I never said I
was moving, {picked him up wrong unbelievable, but I
did good, I held my temper), I said they didnt pick you
up wrong, you said you were going over in the next few weeks
and when you were there you were sussing out accommadation, with
a view to moving there. Now the BS that came outta of him,
well it just pisses me off big time, I didnt mean I would be
moving soon, maybe I will be moving nearer the end of the year,
I think I could manage better there, its cheaper to live there.

So why would you need to suss out somewhere to live anyway,
wouldnt you be moving in with your whore, Not necessarily,
I didnt say I would be going to her, so I asked him,
why would you move to Germany, abandon your kids, leave
them behind, if you werent going to whore, why would you
do that. I would not be leaving them or abandoning them,
I would be there for them, jeez he was actually outraged, at
the suggestion, So I told him, oh yeah, and if your son is sick
in college again, I can call you if Im in work to go pick him up,
and if one of them has an appointment and Im working I can call
on you to bring them, cop on will you.

Noone wants here I am on my own, yada yada, I guess, its
all about him still. The conversation went on a bit, I wont bore
you with the details. He says he is going to clarify to the kids
on sunday that he is not going anywhere for the moment,
I wanted to hit him, but whats the point he is not listening,
he has removed himself from me, and I guess from them too.
So I left it at that.

I told my daughter what he had said,
well just the general gist of
it, that they may have picked him up wrong,
her reaction was pretty
much similar to mine, NO I DID NOT,
he is an asshole, and this time
I didn't correct her language.

My son, firstly said, oh well maybe I did,
but I dont think so, then
when we spoke about it again, he said, you know
what Im not really bothered
anyway, what difference does it make he is not really
interested in us anyway.
I tried to tell him he was, he just got it arseways sometimes,
and he looked at me and said, mam, sometimes, its alltimes,
I have not heard from dad since
last saturday when he was here and today is saturday again,
he forgets about
me until he is due to come again.
I didnt know that I thought he had
gotten better at the contact.

Just then the phone beeped and it was him,
telling my son he would be in
tomorrow to see them, and hopefully do something with them.
He laughed, and said right on cue dad, to my shame
I said speak of an ass,
and he is sure to pass.

I got to talk to my daughter on my first day off,
I suppose you could say I set her up for it, but
I wasnt letting the talk go any longer, I was in bed
having a lie in we call it, they are on midterm break,
so I knew eventually she would come in for a snuggle.

I opened the conversation about her dad very simply,
I told her as I was rostered on for St Patricks day,
I had suggested to her dad they spend the day with him,
I told her he was pleased and was going to organise something
for them to do for the day.

In fairness I got the response my
foreknowledge warned me to expect. I dont want to go,
Im not bothered,
So I told her it was important she spent time with her dad
when she gets the opportunity, she said no,
she didnt see it that way, she wasnt bothered.
I told her her brother had told me what dad had
said in the car two weeks ago, and she immediately started to cry,
I asked her was this what had upset her for the last two weeks, and
she nodded yes, she had a good cry and we had a good talk.

She said it wasnt up to her to tell me
that sort of information, and that
she had hoped her brother would, but she thought
her dad should have, that
he shouldnt have put them in that position,
I hugged her and told her, her
dad was not thinking straight and a very selfish stupid man,
but he loved them
he loved her, she said no I dont think he does,
I think he just thinks of himself,
we no longer matter.
I hate him!

I said you dont hate him you are just hurting
she said no mam, I know the difference, I
know how Im feeling.

That broke my heart, and then she said
dont try and make excuses for him, he doesnt deserve it,
so I didnt, but I hugged her again,
and just chatted about her feelings,
I also told her she should talk to me,
dont hold things in dont be afraid to tell me stuff,

I asked her, If you were pregnant,
(no boyfriend on sight yet thank god)
would you come to me and tell me, she laughed,
then went yeah probably,
I think so, so I said to her,
if you can tell your mother she is going
to be a granny, you can tell her anything,
so we laughed and cried and
more hugging.

I asked her was it okay if I called her dad,
and talked to him about this and what had happened
she was happy with this, which I was glad of, because
I wanted to make him aware that his words had an
affect on these kids, and he had to treat them like
kids not adults, and to be careful to keep me in his
loop.

Of course I probably wanted to kick his ass, also,
but that wasnt an option, so after an hour or two,
I called him,
and we talked...

I have had a peaceful few days,
relaxing, resting, and quiet time.
Do you believe that, Nah, didnt think so,
not a chance.

Tuesday, I came home, was having dinner, and
the youngest went into the bathroom, Mam, she calls
Mam, I knew by the sound of her voice, here we go,
delaying the inevitable journey, I call whats up?
She is having none of the, come here, will ya.

So in I went, Look she says, look at what? following
her point to the floor, water, lots and lots of flipping water.
The choice words out of my mouth really does not merit repeating,
but I think you get the gist of it.

What had happened, well the night before,
the toilet was blocked, I did the pour caustic soda solution down,
and that hadn't cleared it, so in desperation I rang him,
and asked him to come in the morning,
and clear it with rods, as I was working,
so he said he would, and he did, whilst here, he checked the sink pipes,
but when he pushed back
the cupboard under the sink, it dislodged the waste pipe.
Now that has happened with me before, so there is no its his fault syndrome
on this one, it was just a pain, and push the pipe back in,
clean up, and then reheat your dinner drama.

Is that the full of it, No.
I got into a conversation with my son,
about his dad, I don't really know
how or who started it, but it progressed very slowly,
he had something on on his mind,
but it had to be dragged out of him.

He said Dad had told him he would be heading of to
whore valley again in the next few weeks,
(of course he did not refer to it as whore valley, he said
Germany), anyway, okay I said, sure we are expecting that,
hmm, is the reply
now he already had my attention,
because number 1 child does not talk about him very often now.

Whats going on, I asked him, nothing, he replied, are you sure,
well, its not something I really want to talk about, its not up to me,
Okay so now I am fully switched on, I asked him what did he mean, he
said, he didnt want to get into it, so I tried a different tact,
dog with a bone if you know what I mean.

So he is going there, how long is he going for the usual five days,
I say, Well no Dad reckons he will be staying
maybe two weeks this time,
I fall into my sarcastic bitch trap, ah well nice holiday for him,
sure he probably needs it. Yes I know wrong words, wrong move,
but it was out and I said it,
so I took it back, saying don't mind me, son Im being a bitch,
what is he just having an extended holiday, or what?

So he tells me, his dad told him that he was looking
at getting somewhere to live when he was over there,
that he was sussing out the situation and moving there.

Okay to be honest that was a surprise, well shock really, but I did good,
held it in, and who else did he tell this to, I asked, so my son
tells me that my oldest daughter was in the car at the time.
When was this, I asked, two weeks ago.
Now that peed me off
these kids heard this two weeks ago, and said nothing,
my daughter has been going around for two weeks distressed and upset
and I hadnt been able to get to the bottom of it, I was mad,
mad at them, mad at him, and mad at me.

I asked him why he hadnt said anything and he tells me
it wasnt the right time, he could tell that I was upset
over valentines weekend, and then there was the wedding,
he didnt want to spoil it, and anyway it wasnt up to him,
Dad should have told me. I told him his dad should
have told me, but so should he, that he had to open up to me,
so what if I was upset,that was par for the course,
but it upset me more, that they had been carrying this
worry on their own.

He said he had hoped his sister would do the telling.
I told him he was the big brother and
he should have made sure she got looked after,
he says neither of them discussed it since.
I was disappointed with that, with him,
I told him he needed to look after the girls in
these situations, he just did nt know how to deal with it,
so he closed down and said nothing to her at all.

My poor babies, what a mess.

I had to work for the next day so I said nothing to my daughter,
this could wait now,
it had already waited,
I wanted to be there for a few days with her after we talked,
because I know she is struggling, struggling with her,
with him with everything, and
it breaks my heart.

So I left it for that day.

The tans, by all accounts turned out pretty good,
Well we had a thirteen year old with a tango ed face.
but we sorted that out, and the rest were pretty good,
considering the fact I had never home tanned before.

Saturday morning dawned and the weather was lovely,
it had rained pretty much all day friday, so we were
all praying that it would clear up for saturday and
it did. I think anyone in the family who has a child
of prague had it outside, and call us superstitious or
not, the weather was bright clear and dry.

I headed down to the hairdressers, with Mam and my
two girls, it was a treat for them to get their hairs
done, my youngest and vainest, was worried they wouldnt
do her hair the way she wanted it, so I told him to listen
to what she wanted, he was very good with her and she and the
rest of us were blown away by the results, she looked like a mini
model, all curls her smile was the widest I have seen in a long time,
Her sister, nanny and mine looked great too. (of course)

So we dressed up, glamorous to go with the hairs.
and off we went, it was a bit of a drive away, but
we got there parked and got in, the service was lovely
very simple very beautiful, and my niece looked as all
brides should look RADIANT.

Then we headed off for the hotel, it was a very long
drive and the potholes of Ireland where out in force,
thankfully I was behind my sister and her hubby, so
every pothole he avoided I followed suit, and we made
it in one piece to the beautiful castle where the
reception was held. It looked and was lovely, the meal
the service everything went well.

The wedding for me had many emotions, most of them
I kept to myself, it was hard sometimes, in the
silliest of ways, at the table the only adult on her
own, well I had my girls, but without a partner,
but that was okay, I passed that hurdle and sat
between the two of them as they were having a disagreement
as to who was sitting beside who. So they both got me!

The speeches were very nice very emotional from her dad,
but good fun also. The best man was hilarious.

Then I think came the hardest bit for me, the dance,
I didnt drink, I just wasnt in form for drinking,
and there are some really funny memories of the antics
of some of the guests with drink on them. It is
amazing what you see when totally sober!!

The hardest part was probably, the slow sets, it
is then I really felt like the spare part,
one set in particular was all Gareth Brookes numbers,
He was a great one for singing Gareth Brookes,
and very very good at it
that was probably,yeah, it was the hardest time.
Now don't get me wrong it was hard, but not horrible,
I managed, I survived and most of them time I smiled
and had a good time,
just not all of it.

Anyway its over now, and with any luck, I'll get
a bit of a break from the drama of it all.

However I am not counting on that at all.

Today I had a full day,
I dropped the girls to school, had a doctors appt,
that was okay, she thinks I may have an ulcer,
there is a surprise.

I had this conversation with another doctor, about
six months ago, and its still ongoing, but this one seems
more willing to listen, and not put everything down to stress.
Now that is a better thing for me, because I was beginning to
get fed up with everything and every symptom being blamed on stress.

I actually said to this doctor, that I had these symptoms
for the last year and my stressors really only developed in the last eight months,
so I was not happy to just leave everything to stress,
so we are looking at possible causes, physical, not only mental.
(not that she called me mental, although she may have thought it,
but was good enough not to say it to my face!).

Then I came home, tided up a bit, the usual, washing drying,
room tidying, then I went in to mam and dad, I helped out a
bit there, he wanted his car hoovered, as we have the family wedding
at the weekend, and then he went to dialysis, he will have to go again
tomorrow to facilitate the wedding, so its going to be tough on him, the
next few days. He is such an amazing man, to keep going, even when
he is sick and sore, and wore out, he keeps going, I am so proud of him.

Mam and I had a bit of a ding dong after he went, I wanted to change the
bedlinen, but she wasnt in the mood for it and wasnt having it, so she got
a bit wound up, and had a screaming match at me, it is so hard sometimes,
I look at her and she is so not well, and frustrated with herself, it just
hurts to see her like that, but what can you do, I stayed with her while she
wound down, left the bed, its not worth it, I will try again tomorrow, or the
next day depending on how her humour is then.

Tonight, the girls and I had a blast, I got talked into buying fake tan
as we are all wearing dresses, and are like milk bottles we are that white,
and there was no way, I could do the three of us at the beauticians, so I
bought a good one, thanks to the half price sale, and we tanned up, we had
a laugh doing it, so I'm hoping the results are good, we will know tomorrow,
Hopefully it will be okay, they will look a right sight otherwise
heading into school in the morning.

Now I'm in my bed, its late and I'm tired so I'm going to switch off
and hope that I get a good nights sleep, well even a nights sleep,
good or otherwise that will do.

Night, Night...

M

I am back in the middle of my three day roster,
Last night when I came home my youngest came over to me,
she gave me a big hug and asked me how was my day, how did it go,
I usually do that with them, so I was surprised, and of course pleased.

"okay, I said, why?", she replied that she had worried about me all day,
because it was valentines day, and she hoped it wasnt too hard for me.
I hugged her and told her not to worry I was okay, I told her what had
happened to make it okay.

I work very closely with another guy, he is like my sidekick, he
and I get on really well, and last year, his fiancee and him broke up,
not long after g and me, he said I had jinxed him, we laughed about it.
He is seeing someone else, but I know the split hit him real hard, but he is
getting there, and I am glad for him, it is like having a younger brother,
without the family complications.

Anyway, he came in yesterday morning and handed me a bag,
some chocs for you Betty, He affectionately calls me
and most women in his life Betty, not
condensendily so, well he gets away with it anyway.

Anyway he hands me the bag, and knew I was surprised and touched, he goes,
"I dont want you getting nothing today, betty, enjoy".
You know what that was the nicest, bestest, thing that could have been
done and said to me yesterday, and it so helped, he knew it when I looked at him,
and just said " Thanks babes, Thank you". He is one of the good guys,
in my life, a great mate.

Obviously I didnt give my daughter all the background info
I have filled in here. She got the general gist of it,
so she replied to me, see Mam, you can do it, we have had
to deal with Christmas, New Year, Parties, and now Valentines
we can do it. She is such a good girl, and I noted that she used
the term we, so I know how hard it is for them too, all of these
events were part of our life not just mine and his, they were
part of the fun and romance too.

So we are ready for the next hurdle, my nieces' wedding is on
Saturday, and after that we will get a break until the birthdays
come around again in April, we will be stronger by then also.

Today, well its a while since I had one,
its a suffer the martyr, poor me day.

It started probably last night with valentines day
talk everywhere, on the tv, radio, giddy gut kids,
everywhere.
He always made grand gestures on valentines
day, because on our first year together,
he forgot it,
I arrived with three red roses, and a big smiley face,
and he had forgotten, I was so not impressed!

Every year after that he remembered and the gifts
where lovely and thoughtful, and we always laughed,
about the first year.
Last year as combined christmas and valentines,
I brought him to a hotel in Galway for the
weekend, and on valentines morning back home, when I got up
for work, I left his favourite black magic chocs in the shape
of a love heart, and his card on the table.
He had bought me a lovely chain
a big card and some make up,
I went upstairs woke him, kissed him and thanked him,
like I said he always got me lovely gifts.

So maybe as it approaches, I getting wound up, I suppose its
perfectly natural.
Anyway I woke up with a headache, and a stiff neck,
I must have slept wrong.
I tried sweet talking my youngest to bring me up a cuppa tea,
in bed, but she wasnt having it, She would be the best at doing stuff,
for me, but not today.

So I am down but not out, I get up have a moan, at my eldest daughter
about the state of her room, she rolls the eyes, and yeah yeah me
not a good idea, so I do my nutty mother bit, nag nag nag.
further down I'm going, so I went down stairs, in the hall
Im met by a puddle of water. The upstairs shower, had sprung
a leak, water down the frigging wall.

So yeah you guessed it I am now down to the bottom
I strung together a text to him, about the shower and what can
I do, and then I knew, I couldnt send it, what was the point,
he wouldnt and couldnt do anything anyway, so I called my
brother in law, also my best brother in law, actually the only
one I would be ever bothered with anyway. (sorry bitch there.)

He is working until next week, he tells me to turn it off.
Noone is to use it, (well I knew that anyway), and he will
sort it next thursday, I tell him thanks he is great and
hang up. Now I am crying, He is on his way to pick up the kids
and I try and suck it up but they know that I'm miserable,
I feel bad, but just say, sometimes life sucks, I'm grand
fecking shower, and then they go off.

Don't worry by the time they come home, I will have cleaned
the house and worked all the drama out of me,but right now,
Im down and out.





M

I spoke with my returned home friend,
She tells me it is so good to be home,
and the kids where great with her, so was
her ex, and they are taking it very slowly.

I told her again I am so happy for her, and to
take it one step at a time, if she needs to call me
just pick up the phone, she will, so I tell her
I am praying all goes okay for her, and she knows I
am not a great one for prayer, and will only say it if I am
actually going to pray. She is very religious not ott,
but gets great strength from her faith, so it meant alot
to her.

She tells me she is praying for me, that she is praying for
me to have the strength to forgive what G did. She also says
I need to forgive him, I think that it is probably beyond my
character to forgive, she says its too soon, but you need to work
on it, it will come, I told her I dont think I want to forgive, why
should I, she reckons it is vital that I forgive him for me to recover,
for me to move on. I say cant I move on and just not forgive, she reckons
no. One wont happen without the other.

This is not the first time this has been put to me.
and unfortunately I dont feel any different than the
last time I had that conversation, maybe its because
I dont want to forgive him, maybe thats because
I am being a bitch about it, maybe its my defence
mechanism, maybe it is just too soon,
I dont know, but I think its because, I dont want
to tell him its okay, what you did, I forgive, its
okay, what you said I forgive, its okay you hurt me
and my family, so much I forgive. Its okay that since
I found out what you have done you have been horrible
to me, and made the agreement so hard, I forgive,
Its okay, that our kids are so hurt by what you did
I forgive.

I feel it lessens the act, lessens the betrayel.
I'm maybe too black and white, but for me, at this time
and probably for quite some time, I cant see forgiveness
in my heart or my mind for him. There just seems to much
to forgive, but then is he really sorry, I have not seen that
so maybe he doesnt need my forgiveness. My friends' point is
that its not what he needs, its for me, this forgiveness will
make me stronger, make me better, make me open to a new life
without him, maybe with someone else.
I understand what she is saying, which is probably new for me.
a plus, Im just not up for it, I tell her all this.

So we finished our conversation, and she tells me
she is going to pray anyway, I said okay, thank you,
I love you, take care, be strong, and hang up.

I spend the day and today, wondering will I forgive
ever, or is a failing on my part, one of my flaws,
that will stay with me forever, or will her prayers
be answered. Who knows, I think I am just concentrating
on the truce, and getting the legalities sorted.
That is enough for me right now.

At the moment I have called a truce with him,
Well I think I have. I hadnt spoke or contacted
him since the see ya, preacher text from him the
a few weeks ago.

He came to pick up the kids on sunday, I was not
working, its hard for me, when that happens, because
we would always have done something together with
them on my weekends off. However, that is not the
way it is anymore, I know this, its just like I
said hard sometimes.

So he came, I didnt think he was going to come in
for a minute, because he had texted them to be
ready and then he sat in the car when he arrived.
They of course where nowhere near ready, my son
couldnt get his ass out of bed, until the last
minute. So he had to come in and wait.

I sat down and spoke with him, I told him, that
we needed to try and get on together, both around
and without the kids presence. He of course blames
me for all the disagreements, maybe he is right
I dont know anymore. I told him that apart from
the money he had agreed to pay, each week, I would
not be asking him for anything else.

Our daughters school trip is coming up, I said
great if you can help but I'm not asking, I will
pay my own legal bills even though it is suppose
to be halved, and if he wants a solictor or to represent
himself, its up to him, but because I was pushing for
a legal separation, I was going ahead as he said
he couldnt afford any legal fees.

I told him to contact MABs a money advice service
for help with his credit card bills as they were
now hounding him, they had called the house, and
I gave them his phone number, because, I had told
him I will not deal with those because of how and
why he spent money on whore with them.

He seemed to take all this in, but I dont know
then the kids came down, and they went off, when
he came back, I wasnt there, he stayed awhile after
I returned and then he left after about an hour,
no animosity no problems.

I am still pissed at him, that he didnt give our
son a birthday present, and of course with all
that has happened this last year, but I have come
to terms with it, with him, with me.

Maybe some of the fight has gone out of me, I dont
really know, I'm just sick of the drama.

Maybe we really are moving to a better place with
each other, or me with him. Maybe maybe not
we will see.

Last night I visited my friend to say 'au revoir'
I do however hope it is a long time before I see her again.

That is not a horrible statement, it is a statement,
filled with hope and expectation,
and good and glorious wishes.

No, she is not dead, or dying, thank goodness.
She is my longtime, do the marathon,
wear non pregnancy pants friend.
The newly unhappy divorced woman friend
I referred to many times in
hismidlifemycrisis.

Three weeks ago, we talked about her life,
well we talked about her and my life many many times,
because since she came home, we were back to our
always hanging out days. Anyway, her kids live with him,
she still loves him,
but the divorce may her reevaluate her life
and she has what I call,
got her head on straight.

She came home to Ireland, because she had no choice really,
he didnt want her there, she couldnt provide for herself
on her own, never mind the kids
so even though it goes against my grain,
she did the right thing and came home.

It has been so hard for her, and I am so proud of her,
the way she got her life back together,
her health had been poor, and alot of
the time she was away with the fairies as I call it.
I love this girl but she had a big battle on her hands,
and she won.
She won I think because she accepted her faults,
acknowledged her failures, and overcame them,
but mostly because she came home, to the love and support
of her family and friends,
and like me she has a best sister,
who I believe saved her.

Her husband, in this year apart, other than 3 visits,
was dealing with everything, the kids,
the house, his job, the schools,
the shopping, everything, and anyone who is on their own,
can tell you
that is not easy, and when its a new thing,
like in his and my case,
its bloody awful.

Her husband, is a nice guy, maybe I still say that
because he never cheated on her, there was no one else.
I think his midlife crisis,
which came before my lad, was brought on,
by the difficulties in their marriage, he thought
life with her was too hard,
he thought she contributed nothing of substance
to their lives, and he and his kids where better off without her,
this of course is only my opinion,
but that is what I think.

Without her, he learned exactly what she did
to keep his life running,
if not smoothly, then running on time mostly.
The kids, now teens of course,
are typical teens, and give him a hard time,
a normal hard time, that comes with
the teenager, and when he saw her the last two visits,
and with phone calls,
I think he realised they needed her.

Now at the moment its not all bells and whistles,
she is so happy to be going back
to her family, but she is going to the kids,
and if anything else happens with him,
well good, but it is not the first reason she is going,
she always knew they needed
her, but they needed the better her more.

I am so happy for her, I will miss her of course,
but always wanted her to be there,
with them, its where she belongs,
as for her hubby, I hope it goes okay,
and if not, I hope they can cope with being around each other
for the kids sake, not living a lie,
I mean, they are being open and honest about where they are at,
they are not together,
they are just pulling together.
Its a weird, but it could be wonderful....

My dad, asked, well seeing as you two do everything around the same time,
we had our kids
same age, same sex, blah blah,
what is happening in your life, will you be going back
will he be coming back, its up to you.
Sadly I gave him my answer,
No Da, Never.

For Jen, my fingers are crossed,
We will always be here for you but,

You Go girl.

I am working these three days,
the cold is at last gone, whoo hoo,
My form is better, probably because the cold has gone,
and the muzziness that goes with a head cold with it.

Contact with himself is at a minimum, and I am hoping to
keep it that way, but things may get a bit sticky over the
next few weeks as I have started legal proceedings for the
separation, now this will not be a surprise to him, as I am
not a underhanded type of person.
I told him at the start of Jan I would be doing this, and again
last week, but I am not sure whether he believed me or not, I guess
he should know me better, I say what I mean and mean what I say.

I am sticking to the mediated agreement, and hoping he does too,
I just want it all to be sorted, no more afraid of the money not
going in, although he has been good, since the last hiccup just before
christmas, its just to protect us, so I can keep the payments on the
mortgage up, without what he gives, I can't manage that on my own,
I wish I could, I would tell him to stuff it, I hate having to
ask him when will he pay, why is he short, blah blah blah.

I think, well I am hoping with the legalities sorted, there
is just the recovery of the loss of our life together.
That I will have to deal with,
although I am getting there with that,
the acceptance of my situtation and him not being who
or what I thought he was, that has come.

Now I guess its just getting over it, and on with life.
Trying not to be bitter, it frightens me to think
I may end up a hard embittered battleaxe, but sometimes
that is how I come across, sometimes that is how I feel!

Now I'm going to work on that aspect, of me, go for
the gentle effect, not really my forte, but I'll give a
go anyway, and we will see. I think I will be grand,
I hope so anyway.

I had a better day today,
I guess I am just getting easier to please
My son let me bring him shopping, and bought him a warm
coat, that in itself is two huge feats,
one because I got him to buy a warm coat,
two I got him to come with me to the
shop, he hates shopping especially clothes shopping
and especially with me.

This is not news to me, I remember when he was in the pram,
if I walked into a clothes shop he went nuts,
any other shop was no problem for him he would sit
in the pram looking around, but in amongst the clothes,
no matter who for, and he lost it
many a pound was saved when he was with me.

So we get a nice warm coat, I now know his style,
he like the beatles,
he likes their music, and he likes their clothes style,
good, so do I. I found out by chance,
I bought him a pair of jeans in river island
for his 21st, actually they were on a massive mark down
which was probably one of the reasons I picked them,
and then they were skinny jeans but not stuck to ya skinny ones,
kinda loose around the butt. I took a chance on them and he loved them,
so I had seen coats well jackets really,
that were the style the beatles wore,
and yep he was as he put it
willing to wear it.

So success, all round he went off warm,
and I went off happy,
us mothers, we are so easy pleased, by our kids,
a smile, a hug, a thank you, a wrapped up kid.
and like I said a better day.