As you have seen,
I have moments of sadness,
maybe it is the blues, but sometimes it is just
that I want to put them down, they are real,
they are me, but I worry about being a constant moan,
misery whatever.

Do not despair for the saddo me,
I have many fun moments, many upbeat moments,
and because of the events that have happened in my life
over the past two years, I also have many sad moments.

I try not to let the sad beat the funny, and know that
I still have a good life, a better life than some, in fact
probably than many, sometimes, I just have a moan,
a whinge, it helps because I get it outside me instead of inside,
you know?

I guess when I spoke about understanding dads' lonliness
it was very close to home, probably apart from losing mam,
the worst part for me, was in the quiet moments, when I felt
down or sad, I just wanted to reach out and hold on to someone
who cared that I was blue, and who was there just for me,
to pat me on my back or shoulder, to hug me, or just
say, its okay I'm here, you are not alone,
but I am,
he is not here, and his choice was for it to be that way,
that is the hardest bit, the lonliest bit, and apart from being
sad for mam, sad for dad, I guess I am back to being a bit
sad for me too.

The difference nowdays is that I am working towards
understanding it, I have accepted it, and coped with it,
and am trying to do the moving on with it, maybe when I
do all that the understanding it will come too.

My next post will be a funny, I promise, because it will
be about my attempt to be a domestic goddess, and how
you should always read the full method of baking a cake,
in case you misread the first paragraph.

M