So I am back at work.
Carrying on as normal,
and not doing to so hot shit at it.

I am here and I want to be at home,
I want to be there for the kids,
to cook their dinners, to wash their clothes
to drive them nuts.
To be their Mam.

I am here and I want to be with dad,
he is struggling, he is heartbroken,
and he is so lonely, I know all this,
because I see it, and he says it.
Then he says, I dont want to be a burden,
go home, be with your kids, you have your own life.

He feels bad about asking me to be there or
letting me do stuff, because I am the poor me,
the lone parent, the suffer the  martyr.

Yes I am, but I am used to that now,
I am dealing with that a year and nine months
and I know excatly how many days, but I am
not counting them out loud anymore. (Hah)
I want to help I told him, let me help, let me be there.

He just sighs, and puts his head down,

I know how he feels.

So, I am here, I will be here tomorrow,
and please god I will be here every other
day I am supposed to be, and the days will pass,
and the bills will be paid, and life will go on,
and it will be another new normal for us all.

I still miss him, and he chose to leave,
he walked away,
he gave us up.
He didnt care enough.

My Mam I guess,
I will miss forever,
she struggled to stay,
she stayed beyond medical understanding of human endurance.
She wanted to be with us,
She loved so much.

Which is harder to deal with, at the moment Mam.
 Him, maybe always, who knows.