Today the oldest girl is not going with her dad,
she says she doesnt want to, she saw him st pats day
she had a good time, she is grand, she just doesnt want
to go.
I told her okay, she can stay home, maybe it will help her,
maybe if she is not with him she will miss the going out.

The reply is not good, yeah, and maybe I wont!
This is my softest girl the one who waits to be asked
by her friends to hang out, the one who was always, always,
her daddys girl, still a mammys girl also, but
they were so close, in all the times before and
since the split, she would go anywhere with him.

The stupid story about him maybe moving to Germany
in the next few months that he frightened and upset
her last month, has backfired on him, she is distancing
herself from him, I see her shutting down with him
I am watching this very carefully, but I am going with her on this
because she is in counselling, and she is going to talk
about this at her next meeting.

Stupid man.

Her brother is bailing also,
I cannot make a 21 year old hang out on a saturday afternoon
with his dad, but I do talk to him about it, usually he opens
up late at night, and especially if he has a few jars on him,
He is okay, I think, well he is typically young man about it,
sure shit happens, dad is a gobshite, I'm over it. Relax Im grand.

Stupid man.

The youngest is flipping out that she has to go on her own.
She has bailed a few times in the past by making arrangements
with her mates for cinema trips etc, so I am not having it,
she is going this week, I told her look you will have time
on your own with your dad, it will be fun, just you and him.

She was not impressed, you cant make me go, what are you gonna
do drag me out kicking and screaming, now I know her, she is just
pushing her luck, I say, no but why would you have to be dragged,
you are not going to the dentist, doctor, or even a vet, (she still not
laughing),
He is your dad, he wants to spend time with you, he is trying, you
have to take part in this, it is not only up to him to work at
your relationship, you all have to make an effort, and it will
become natural, normal, it will be okay.

Her answer was, IT WAS OKAY, IT WAS NATURAL, WHY DID HE
HAVE TO CHANGE ALL THAT!?
So I hugged her, told her I know, but thats what happened,
we gotta deal with it. She is going.

Stupid man.

So I have the three different stages of grief in my children,
Hurt, Anger, Acceptance.
For me I have them three all at the same time in my head,
which is why I have good days and bad days,
For my babies, I just want it to get okay for them
I want the acceptance to be more than acceptance,
I want them to recover, to be a new normal.

I just hope Im going about it the right way,
its the fear of them not being okay, I guess
of me not being okay also, I am on a wing and
a prayer most of the time.

I have friends who help, who talk it out with me,
and of course my earth angel, Noreen, who keeps
me going.

I am still at the stage where I wish it had never happened,
not that I would go back to before I found out that my good,
loving husband, was a lying cheating scumbag, (oops there is the anger)
because I would rather be here now, lamenting, than back there
believing in him, in us.
My heart, soul, my head, wishes
he hadnt been the liar, the cheater, and we were where
we were supposed to be, a happy normal family, (there is the hurt now)
but we are not, and things are as they are, and he did what he did
and we are all living with that, including him (there is the acceptance)

Stupid man. (hurt, anger, acceptance, all at the same time)