I am much better, thank goodness.
Better from the head cold, and better from
the head wrecking of last week and him.

Its like I took the 100 steps backwards then,
and today, I am taking the steps forward,
more than than one step,
I think Im probably in and around fourteen or fifteen steps.

Its all about mindset,
I have to give myself a good talking to every so often.
The, this is the way it is talk, sometimes I am driving in the car,
sometimes looking in the mirror talking to myself,
kinda fruity really, as in loopers I guess.
Sometimes I decide I'm going to ignore the logic and the sense
I am telling myself, and go with the stupid actions,
such as last week,
and sometimes the sense does prevail and I don't text,
don't engage in the battle,
like this week.

I'm hoping to continue, because it is for the best, for me,
for the kids, and I suppose for him also,
although as you have no doubt noticed,
he is last on the list.
That too has to be the way it is,
because I have to disassociate myself from him,
and look after us, because that is what he wants, what he has done himself.

I am hoping when the legal separation comes in, it will settle both of us.
I will know what I am getting by law, and will know that every week, I don't have
to hope he has paid, as he will pay, because he has to by law.

Its not about winning, there is no winners in this, its about surviving,
hopefully doing more than just surviving at the end of it, and that
we will all move on, live a better life, without each other, and that
most important of all, our kids will be looked after without battle, bitching,
or moaning, and that they come first,
because they are what makes it all worthwhile,
and if they are okay, then for us all,
life will be okay again.